Michael Booth addresses the world on the subject of octopus balls

Though it goes without saying that self promotion is an anathema to me, I have decided to bow to the overwhelming public pressure (from my Mum) to post my much discussed appearance on BBC World 24 last month (in two parts – to allow for bathroom breaks). So here I am in all my ill-fitting shirted, nonsensically self contradictory, stuttering, gurning magnificence. 

In my defence, my nerves were hardly calmed any when, having just sat in the chair and started idly chit chatting with the lovely Lyce Ducet, a look of weary panic flashed across her face as the assistant director suddenly shouted, 'On air in five seconds!'

As the interview kicked off it soon became clear that the researchers had ignored all the suggestions I had emailed them the day before for questions that might have had a chance of prompting interesting and coherent answers from me, and that the interview was in fact going to be entirely off the cuff.

Oh well, tomorrow's chip paper, and all that. 

Here is something I am much prouder of. Shame it's a different Michael Booth.

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